he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
