White coat. Heels.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
