shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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