I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
