Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
