Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
