i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
