I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
