I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
