Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
