She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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