its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
