fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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