That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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