i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
