it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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