it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
