I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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