guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
