Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
