Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
