I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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