You just made me feel so damn special
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize