I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
