Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
