Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
