Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
