dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
