my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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