i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
