I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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