why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
