naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
