is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize