you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
