I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Randomize