Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
