I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
