So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
