Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
