They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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