awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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