you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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