shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
