dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
