Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
