I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize
