I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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