I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
