After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
