Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
