sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
