the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
there is puke in my bra ... again
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
