I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
