i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
