Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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