just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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