If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
