Sponge bath it is.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
