Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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