You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
