i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
