Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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