The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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