Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
