Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He shit in the fireplace
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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