R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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