I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
