Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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