I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Houston, we have a blender
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize