There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
