quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
