So drunk, too bad you don't want this
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
