If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
