Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
