and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
