I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You're like the curious george of whores
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize