i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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