She announced her abortion via fbk
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
you had me at cake vodka
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
