I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
